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Now what did I forget...

Document Cited in Related
Vincent
Date22 December 2020
Published date22 December 2020
Publication titleEvening Chronicle
Pandemic or otherwise, some things are simply eternal and unalterable laws of nature.

So, without sounding sexist, it's a genetic disposition that blokes are pants at Christmas shopping; even the most raging, radical Jesmondista feminist wouldn't send her gadgie out to purchase the organic cornfed, hand-reared, free-range and privately educated turkey from the ethical butcher.

We just ain't up to it! The sense of urgency just isn't there; we might - fleetingly - notice things like advent calendars, the John Lewis adverts and even take the bairns to see the socially-distanced Fenwick's window, but it's all just background noise.

This oblivious lack of urgency in the face of impending Christen-tide catastrophe reminds me very much of the attitude of European Royalty and heads of state in the months leading up to the outbreak of the First World War, in August 1914.

To this effect, each December, every man does indeed becomes a Tsar Alexander archduke Ferdinand or Kaiser Wilhelm as he strolls carefree and unaware of the turmoil gripping the masses around him - until finally he too is engulfed when it's to late to do anything!

To get back to the festive inadequacy of the male gender, we do actually have a time where we acquire an awareness that pressies need to be bought - usually at about 5pm on Christmas Eve!

This year it is obviously gonna be very different, but let's look back to pre-COVID times.

When most men traditionally prepared for this Yuletide shopathon by spending the afternoon in the pub with the bitter old bloke from accounts and the geek from IT who is just thrilled to be interacting with real people.

Eventually, the sound of Mariah Carey, Slade or Band Aid reminded our boozy bloke that now was the time to sort out that pesky Christmas shopping malarkey.

As a blast of icy air hit him as he toddled up Northumberland Street, he did not achieve any clarity of purpose; his misplaced confidence actually grew as he slurred - "ah...

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