'I'd cut myself and things would feel better': Dad opens up about battle with depression; Michael Clark, from Cramlington, Northumberland, has got in shape and turned his life around after years of mental health issues.
Byline: Tim Stickings
At the depths of his depression he would sit at home with pills by his side, go to the garage with the intention of leaving the engine running and hold a knife to his wrists.
Now Michael Clark is fighting back against the mental health problems which have haunted him for years.
A former bakery manager, Michael was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder eight years ago, leading him to barricade himself indoors and self-harm as a way of coping with the stress.
The 37-year-old said that, despite support from his wife Jenny and daughter Shannon, he had to stop working, gained weight and found himself avoiding any physical activity or contact with the outside world.
"I spent hours in counselling but it was pretty ineffective for me. The depression became so deep that the thoughts of suicide were so intense that it was difficult to think of much else," said Michael,of Cramlingtonin Northumberland.
"I shut myself away from most things which only increased my feelings of worthlessness and I'd spend most of my time in the house.
"The night times were so hard to deal with I'd find myself walking the streets at all hours of the morning trying to distract from my dark thoughts. I loved those hours because it would be highly unlikely to see anyone or need to interact with anyone.
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"Whenever I was feeling particularly low or had intense feelings about suicide, I'd cut myself. I'd see the blood and things would seem to feel better. Strangely enough I felt little in the way of physical pain at the time but would feel it slightly afterwards."
Michael has changed his life this year by getting physically fit again with a programme at Elite Together in Cramlington, where he has lost 92lbs (almost six-and-a-half-stone) in weight and has found the confidence to live his life again.
He said: "Over the few years out of work and because of my sedentary lifestyle I gained a lot of weight. It got so far out of hand that it wasn't just anxiety that would stop me from doing things, it was my physical health.
"It wasn't just going upstairs that was difficult, it was everyday things like standing up, having a bath or putting on socks and shoes. Even after doing these things I could barely walk to the end of our street without needing to rest.
"Elite Together was a huge turning...
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